Pretty much anyone who experiences attraction is going to have the urge to look at or fantasize about someone who isn't their partner at some point. It may also help to parse out the difference between urges and actions. How do those conversations usually go? What do you express and ask of him? What does he tell you or say he can or can't do? For instance, has he deleted the apps or accounts he uses to send those photos? If not, why does he feel like that's not a step he can take (especially if it creates a cycle where he feels as if he has no control over himself but then feels guilty)? You mention you two have talked about this several times. This sounds like a really tough situation to be in, and I'm sorry it's taking such a toll on a relationship that was (and still sometimes is) making you happy. I dont know what to do or even if theres anything i can do.
Its the fact that his loyalty is slipping and it seems to be killing us both as a result. Im not mad about him being bi, i used to think i was bi before i met him. Ive spoke to my therapist about it, but she starts going on about the lgbt community and how its okay. My apologies for the long rant, but i need help. He still has the urges and im still losing faith. We have talked about this and even cried to eachother about this, but it feels as if nothing is healing. I can be mad, but the second i see his face, its game over. I cant love him completely anymore but i cant seem to hate him. Besides that flaw, there is nothing else that i hate about him. I told him that one more time, if he sends a pic one more time, that im gonna kick it. I love him and ive tried multiple times to help or have asked him what i can do to lessen the urge or make it stop. I dont care to see his body anymore, theres these moments where its nothing but anger, or sadness, or nothing but numb. But every day the urge happens, that light he gave me weakens, sometimes it seems like its barely holding on. I love him, every little quirk he has (besides this one), every time he smiles everything falls into place. I feel rejected, hurt, ugly, or like im not doibg enough. Even going as far as lying.Īfter so long, its startibg to tear at me. He never tells if i dont ask, and he will only tell me bear minimun on the subject. I view it as cheating, especially with the way he lacks information about it. We have spoken to each other about it multiple times before. He hasnt sent any since february, but i live with the constant fear of waking up and hearing him say "im sorry". Its usually controllable, but sometimes, he cant seem to resist going on that app and lookkng at other mens pictures. It seems to happen once or twice a month randomly around 10-12pm. Again, going on that app and sending another pic. It was my first time dealing with something like that. He kept it hidden for four days before the guilt broke him down. Found a male dating app fkr gay guys and sent a pic to one.
One night, as he discribed it, he felt alienated.
He hit a rough patch at a college far away and i did my best to be there for him. He was gonna be my one and only.īut stuff happens. I was purely convinced that this was my tree. We got along on so many levels, discovering new ones every day. Was madly in love and felt like the world couldnt get brighter. I have been with an amazing man for an upcoming two years, some of the most amazing years in my life so far. This is gonna be a long one, so buckle up, grab some popcorn, and do what you do: